Friday, November 14, 2008

View on Divorce

I vividly remember my wedding day as most of you do. We were in Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Macao after Married Ceremony in Hong Kong for 3 days. One morning I got a call from my mother in law said, "Come up for a while." I did went up and here my father in law told me " I do not believe in Divorce!!!". I have to give you some back ground of him. He is from a Traditional Southern Family. Actually his side of family ( I should say till his generation except his children), no one "Divorce" until last year when his own son, my husband's brother, got divorce. (after more than 20 years married!). It was very sad to see my father in law was hurt. It is still hurting him. My mother in law, I did not read her so well.

I remembered once Lady Diana said, "May be living with cheating person is much easier than passing through the divorcing. It is awful!" . I am not sure I am agree with her saying that.

Yesterday I had lunch with Dr. Chan wife. She is from Taiwan. I like her because she is simple, devoted mother, good wife. I love to have conversation with her as she always has such various thing to talk with. After Lunch we went to have coffee at Star buck. I was commenting on the heart shape cookie saying, "Oh my, so huge". It was huge cookie, bigger than my face!. Suddenly I heard someone behind me said "Yah..Yah..Yah..for me I ate half and take home half."... I turned my head and I saw a very modernizely dress woman, well make up with a huge smile (bigger than my smile). In within one minute she invited me and Mrs. Chan to sit with her. I thought oh..such a nice friendly lady. Yes she was a friendly woman.

OK let me call her "Gitt", she is from Germany and living in Bangkok. In my life I had seen for the first time a woman who can talk more than one hour continually nothing but boring. I was speechless of her never stop talking for 45 minutes about her relationship with her adopted daughter. NO JOKING, for 45 minutes!!!!. (My way is ..yes as a mother I love to talk about my son too but there is a limits. How could you talk for 45 minutes nothing just about her daughter to a totally stranger just you met?? She can. OK that's doesn't mean I do not love my son or do not want to talk about him. I can talk about my son endlessly but you have to understand when you are with others , you have to use your sense). The rest 40 minutes was about her breast cancer. Again She preached. Well .. about her breast cancer talking was much much better than about her daughter.

I tried to break her conversation, I think 3 times because he won't let you talk. Like a sermon time at Church. I see her as a lady preacher instead of Tea Party with a new friendship with her.. No one can't talk as she went non-stop. I reached the point that she irritated me abit. If I am a lone with her I might be walk out after 20 minutes but Mrs. Chan was so polite and so human acting. The other reason, the driver was not with me yesterday so I have to leave with Chan.

The only break point I can do was when I brought up about our new US Presient then she talked about "Hillary Clinton".. She said " Hillary is very smart for not divorcing even her husband was cheating to the left and right. How could she throw away of her life of living, social, high class and her future position"....and continue said , "Look at how many Thai Women put up their Husbands having mistresses because they can't let it go the money, the social and the position..". I have such kind of conversation about women who put up the ugly men in their lives in Bangkok.

I questioned many back to "Gitt"..." How could you still lying down at night with someone who did not love you any more?'" "Yes, you might have all these material but how could you be happy? Real meaningful happiness?" " Are you ready for to suffer the rest of your life with idiot husband that you have?". Gitt said to me "Helen you can say that because you are not in her, Hillary's shoes". I told her "Oh yes, I can if I am in her shoes. look, how many couples divorce in US beside Thailand?" "Most women did not put up such horrible way to live on". Obviously there are lost of women did not put up such way of life seeing "The divorce rate". Some even happily divorcing not once but 2 3 or 7 times!. That was it, the 10 minutes conversation with Gitt about "Divorce" which was end up disagreeing strongly. Mrs. Chan sat there for more than one hour only saying ....Yes..yes...yes yes yes! she can't even come out with "NO"!

Gitt is a nice lady beside her conversation bored me very much.

A children cancer specialist doctor who is my neighbour in Gainesville, her divorce took only 2 weeks. Both party agreed, signed and finished the story. They did not want the Lawyer takes a huge part of money!

I came from a divorce parents which is not good but as time move on I was doing well. I do not want "The Divorce" but I am not ready to live with a cheating husband also. You want to bring up with "not fair for your child or children"?? I would say.....The children will move on. Sooner or later they will understand the reason of why the parent divorce. As me I understand why my parents divorce. It's not easy but life move on. So does the same as "DEAD". For me divorce is Dead of Husband. If the Husband would like to have relation with his child or children, of course the answer is very YES.

Our lawyer friend said...The divorce should be like sharing an orange by the two parties agreements. Like....

1. Cut into half evenly

2. One party should see, "I want the skin because I will do the Jam or perfume"

3. One other party should see " I want the seeds because I need the plants and make the juice'


Fight over the orange so long that no one get the profit except the orange got rotten.

Divorce is not easy but why so many nowadays?


Myriam said...

i think when a relationship is over , the best way is to go vers future....nothing to turn in your mind in past is only frustration and its ok only for the understanding on the how what and why...thats all...
marraige is a deal on feelings...the best way is to stay honest...when a deal have no more reason to exist, best way is to take the exit...and save the few years you have to live...and trying to be

Helen said...

Agree that divorce is not easy but if occured deal with it. As you said save the few years for the true quality of your life.