On 30th Oct. 2006, I got my New Liver in Gainesville Florida! My life is starting to change when I was told "You have Liver Cancer".... How? I can't put it down in writing because there are lots of thing to write. Changing?? Yes! I mean...on my family, on my friends, my way of living, my thinking, my view...all around me starting to change!
"How do you feel?" is the question that lots of people asking me and I mostly answered "I feel good". My answer is base on only how my physical body feels....I just do not want to answer more than that. But today I want to tell you more beside that physical feeling. There are two kinds of feeling after I received the precious Liver.
I won't say too much about physical change (by medical, food, sport or drink), because you all know what I am saying. What I want to share here is on my emotionally changed or may be still changing.
Do yo all notice that we have shadow which is always behind you??? Well sometime in front of you, beside of you!!! I am sure you all do notice that. The shadows are cause by the light but my shadow that I want to talk about is not cause by light. It's call "My liver donor's" shadow. The more I live, the more I notice my special shadow. I am quite sure that this shadow will follow me with light or without light.
I read about "The donors and recipients families meeting" often. I have this dream that one day, I am going to see my donor's family too. I want to hear from my donor's parent (not from other),
that ...... How he looks like?, What is his hobby?, What is his eyes colour?, Where did he lives? Many questions going on ....
My most concern is on my donor's parent. Are they OK? How they cope with the lost? Where are they living? How many children they have?
I know there is a reason for my donor's life was cut short. This is my wish...I hope what ever years that he lived on this earth will be for the best year of him. Sometime I wonder that I am living and will live for how long but for a happily, meaningful or normal life, I am not so sure for that. I say that because there is never ending problem that we are dealing with each day. One thing is very sure I am still with my son. As a believer, there is a reason (which I do not know yet), that why God still wants me on this earth.
No one on this earth will fully understand that how me and my donor's family are feeling unless you are in our shoes.
2 years and 3 months cancer free but emotionally am I free yet?? No!!!!!! is my answer. I wonder till when!!!
Please put us in your prayers!