Friday, September 5, 2008


I did not play tennis as schedule since I came back from US. Last week I played only once but I did go to the gym though. I think I am under a little depression which is I do not know very well about what is cause. So I am starting to think about what is DEPRESSION??

I saw a pamphlet about depression...I read it, I like it and I understand it more about depression. I might have some small depression but mostly I am sure I am depressing in the wrong reasons and wrong ways.

I want to go to Hong Kong, Robins told me no and I am not happy, I feel depression. I want my son feet move fast when he plays tennis but he did not, then I am angry and feel depression. I want bigger diamond, Robins told me no, again ..and I feel depression. I want beach house in Hua Him and Robins said no.... knowing if he wants to please me he can but he did not please me until now. I eve cry sometime because I did not get what I want or What I want to do. These are all baloney reasons for depression! (well may be a little depress)..

The pamphlet said "Understand what you mean when you say you are depressed. People have many experiences that feel like depression but are NOT" (like me may be want to get my own ways!!). For example, when you lose someone by death, you are bereaved. When you lose someone in courtship, divorce or total rejection you are broken hearted. When you have done something of which you are ashamed about which you feel guilty, and so on, you are over come by a sense of guilt or sin............(more bla bla bla....)

Check the following questions if "yes" you may well be DEPRESSED!!! (My answers are blue)............Ok here we go!!

1. Have you suddenly or slowly lost all initiative to ward other people?
(My answer is NO because I love people... I even like to see new people, I am curious what in their heads, their believing, their pholosophy.....etc...)

2. Have you repeated crying spells that have no apparent cause?
( My answer is NO! I only cry, example when Robins control my expense and tell me how I do not know the value of money which I know well)

3. Have you persistently, over a period of weeks, awakened suddenly and been unable to return to sleep for more than a half and hour?
(MY answer for this is Yes or No... When I was told "you had cancer" I can't sleep most of the time)

4. Do you awaken in the morning feeling fatigued and face the day with dread?
(No... may be I am taking Synthyroid???)

5. Do you feel pain, aching all over?
(No for all over but Yes for some parts of my body)

6. Do you find your self thinking about your own death, wishing liver were over or you might commit suicide?
(This is more than NO...I should say NEVER! My good Lord has mercy on me! I never think about killing me nor killing other. I have Husband and Son who loves me a lot why I have to think about suicide? Suicide are mostly people with mentally unbalance or brainless people)

7. Do you breathe irregularly, sigh repeatedly, and feel heavy in the chest?

8. Do you distrust your own wisdom, have unusual trouble making decisions and feel generally hapless?
I love this question! I overly trust my own wisdom, I always think I am smart. This will never change. I am not trouble in making decisions (might be wrong but not always, I even think my decisions are better than Robins ha ha ). I know most of good human being help each other so I do not feel helpless.

9. Do you find yourself irritable, cross and that without cause?
I cross bad! sometime I could punch people who make me cross. I say YES to cross with good reason.

10. Do you have great trouble being enthusiastic about anything?
I truly enthusiastic are very high before my cancer. I wish I could be first lady without marrying McCain. Now after fighting off cancer, my enthusiastic are left half.

11. Have you been treated by a physician for depression before?
This question is asking you indirectly as "Have you been CRAZY?? or Are you ??"
I never crazy. I never been to crazy doctor also. I had been to Phycology before transplant as routing. I do not like it because they can make you more crazy or become one, by answering their papers!

It continue said...You have future and a hope and both the physician and The Divine come alongside you to bring that future to brightness."

OK after all, for me I agree that physician can help but can't not heal! The medicine can help but not to everyone. I know I am very special because Christ is with me. I make Christ special to me too because I have faith in him.

I love Christ without condition.