Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Core

Life, you never know what is waiting a head of you. I have faced some disappointed times and do not know how many times is still waiting!! Looking back of my life yes there are some unpappy
times as I did mention often.....

-I want to be a Lawyer but I ending up studied Biology!
-I want to live in Shan State under our Saophalong's ruling but end up living all over the world!
-I dreamed to have 2 or 3 children but end up 1 child. Well...Robins is not interesting to have more than one! Now that dream is dead!
-I do not want my mother and sister die early but they did!
-I do not want to take medicine (never before Vitamin nor other pills), but now I must take some!
-Who wants cancer but I did!
-I want to be 100% happy but I feel like I am happy only around 80%.

Soon I am leaving to Hong Kong to taking care of my the rest 20% of happiness. Well.....I know in this life no one is happy 100%.. if someone said yes, may be he/ she is lieing or pretending.

My step brother is not doing well and I need to go see him. Frankly he has no money to taking care of himself!! I can ignore him but I can't...this is my problem. My mind can't rest in peace but thinking what he is doing?

I have two step brothers (they are much younger than me). When my mother was dying, 2 things she said to me are (She can't talk much at all but she tried)...............

1. "Please taking care of your two brothers." (Talking about it today how could my mother knows I will be wealthy and can help some??)

2. "Where is Robins?" (That time I haven't married to my husband yet and I think she met Robins twice in Burma.) Till to day I have no answer that why she asked about Robins! The nearest I can think about is ....she was worrying about me and leaving me alone in Hong Kong??? But I was well taking care by New Apostolic Church.

Now without knowingly I become the "Core" of my side of family.

Yes..Robins is helping with me. I have this 92 years old grand ma ma that we are taking care of it. She lives in very nice place. Then I bought one apartment for my other half brother already. I feel bad about bringing in my family to my married life. I know this is no good but can't help. I have no other ways.

I hate to ride "Roller Coaster" and never did but I feel like I am riding "The Roller Coaster of Happiness"! Do you remember the movie, "The Pursuing of Happiness"?? The man was poor to dead but later become millioner and happy ending. This movie left me one question, the money even can buy happiness too??

I was not poor to dead but not rich. Here now I can say I married to a man who has money, even I can say, " A Millioner wife" but I never being happy 100%. I can't fine the "Core" of happiness at all. See what I mean..I have a good husband, a good and handsome son, I have money, I can buy what I want if I want to, I have a nice place to stay, and nice friends around me but where is 100% happiness!

Here I am not talking about "Faith", I have no doubt that I love my God. I am talking about "ONLY" earthly peacefulness and happiness! For myself I have no problem but my blood family does.

Someone once told me "you can train to be happy you know!" I will say this is BS for me! When the problem comes I do pray but as a human being I do feel I am sad and unhappy, sometime with tears.

No matter how much I have money or els....but knowing my step brother is almost ending up on the street is "NOT HAPPY FOR ME AT ALL". With this situation I can't train to be happy. I do not have tough or ugly or selfish heart.

Where is the core of happiness???? If you have one share with me please.

1 comment:

Helen said...

I got the following from one of my friends. I like it a lot and decided to share! She said,

"Regarding being happy: I find that using the word "happy", looking to be "happy", is elusive and frustrating and depends too much on how I happen to feel at the moment, too much on what else is going on with me - how my family is doing, who has cut me off in traffic or who misunderstands me today. I am "happier" when I use the word "content". I can be contented even when I am 20% or 80% unhappy because I know things will change, because I am grateful I have resources to change the unhappy situation, because even if things don't change or I can't fix the problem, God will never forsake me. Being content is a decision I make; Apostle Paul talks in the Bible about learning to be content in whatever circumstance, rich or poor. That is my goal, and working on this inside me gives me peace which I don't understand - it seems to me I should still be upset, but I'm not. I am content. Maybe this is just changing one word for another, but for me I don't think so. It makes a true difference and I am grateful."