Sunday, August 17, 2008


As I was also a cancer patient before, if I said I knew what other cancer patients feels and think, hope you believe it. What I said about my feeling when I was fighting my own liver cancer were more or less the same as other cancer patients. There is a blog that time to time I check in because it belong to a cancer patient too. I like her blog! I feel she is honest to what she said in it. She married to a good husband, has two young children and well educated woman with a good job. She has cancer in her liver, lung and brain. She is still under treatment.

Today.....after the church, somehow she came into my mind and I went to read her blog. She is very frank in what she is writing down. In one of her blog she said "I do not want to go to heaven. I want to be with my husband and my kids".. and continue said .."any way what is heaven?". I do not know whats heaven will look likes in picture as I do not die yet but I believe in life after dead.

Lots of cancer patients react different way to their faith. Some lost the faith on the way, some becoming confuse in their faith and some are become much more stronger in faith. When I was told I had cancer, I thought I am going to die and felt very hard to leave my husband and my son as Susan (Not her real name) is feeling now but I have not lost faith in God. I remembered that I prayed and beg him that saying "Lord Jesus I want to win this battle. You can Lord and so help me please".... (I was in two majors surgeries in within 2 years. First was liver resection and the Second was liver transplant. If you know my cancer history, it is a miracle for me that I am still living well). I do believe in that the husband I married to and the son that we have is a gift from my God. You can ask me how about those women married to the bastards? Frankly I do not have answer for that. Not only this question but there are so many questions that I cant answer. I just have faith in Christ that's all I can answer.

Heaven: What I know about Heaven is means "be with God"...and for me
"Being with God" is incomparable with in this earthly life. Yes..better place!!! As a Christian, the last Chapter of the BIBLE, in Revelation, you will see what heaven is. Remember before you read it, It's up to your faith!

If some one is very angry to God because of cancer, I should be the one very angry at God.... but I did not and I never will! I said that because look back in my life of journey, it was not a full of roses life either...on top of that I did had a very very difficulty time. I lost my mother at my young age in Hong Kong, a place there is no family but I was never alone.

Let me share some of my younger life experiences! I did not feel much love from both of my parents...well I know they love me but they kept busy with their own lives mostly. My mother, I should say she checked in us time to time. What I have is my grand mama and my beloved sister, Jue Ju. Here My sister, who I love her so much die when she was only 30 year old of liver cancer....So did my mother die when she was only 42 years old of liver cancer also. Now see..... Can you imagine what I felt when I was told that "You have liver cancer"!! I should be very angry at God don't I? But I do not and I will not.... because my God never promise me that there will be NO pain in life but he promise us saying "Who ever believe in me, shall be safe". I do not mean that those who die of many reasons ahead of me are not believe in God at all. You all know that we all are going to die some time including me. "Shall be safe"..Yes!!! I believe in that! The only thing I do not know is ..will be safe in when ?? Now or after 5 years or 10 years or for eternity? This is in only God's will! No one know but him. That is why I do have Faith in Christ!

What kind of faith will be if I said "Thank you lord I am healthy, happy and have money".... but the minutes the cancer hit me if I said..."You did it to me God, where are you God? why me God? and all why why and why???"

Faith, to have or not to have, it's all up to you.

Susan you are in my thought. If I said you are in my prayer please believe it.

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