Monday, October 11, 2010

Inner Peace

I am trying to understand what is Inner Peace.

Wikipedia said, "Inner peace (or peace of mind) refers to a state of being mentally and spiritually at peace, with enough knowledge and understanding to keep oneself strong in the face of discord or stress. Being "at peace" is considered by many to be healthy (homeostasis) and the opposite of being stressed or anxious. Peace of mind is generally associated with bliss and happiness."

So it mean, mentally and spiritually at peace right? My question is how could I find both together.

Lets see people/things around me.

Husband: No trouble. Feed us well, give us well and he sleep real well too. But.... I have no idea about him that his body and his spirit are still attached or not. He looks like Robot!!! We have been married to 19 years. Those who are married to this long know how things changed. Without a lie I can tell you that.... how strong our thought, respect, priority and love between us. Can't answer you that.

Thanks goodness that I still can read some about him. I know he wants to be the best of his career life. He wants to meet my health's bills. These 2 points, he still showing that how important for him. How I know it?? Because he act and show me clearly that it is his center point!! Talking, taking, spending, thinking time about family, I have no idea which stage he is in.

He is not my both mentally and spiritually inner peace at all.

My son: He is a lovely child. Now at 15 he is fighting with his teenage life. All the mothers know what I am talking about! He has his own strong point of views now. He doesn't want to talk too much either. The computer is his world. Honestly my family doesn't do much together anymore. Do you think just playing tennis on Saturday only will keep the family together alive??? I don't think so.

My son can't help my inner peace either.

My father: As I told you before he is not much in my life. I love him but how deep??? I can't answer it because he was not in the picture of my childhood.

My father can't give me inner peace to me.

My grandmother: Thanks God for this lady. She faced the worst of her life. Lost her daughter and her grand daughter (my sister), both in a short years but still have faith said, "When God calls me I am ready. I will see them both (my mother and sister), I am not worry."

She is a lady always laughing. Complaining is not her style. Sailing her life so lightly and happily with her faith. She knows clearly who her Captain is!!!! A lady who loves God and yes.... she share me where to find my inner peace.

Me: I try to be a good mother and a good wife. I am not a flawless diamond but some inclusion in it! But I know what I want. What I want is a happy, healthy and a meaningful family. Now more and more getting hard to reach that Happy Family picture.

I do worry. I worry about my son's education because lately he was telling me that he doesn't want to go to boarding school in US but I can't raise him in Thailand. He must go!!! He must grown up and see the real world. Life is not always with Driver, Maids, and me, the mother. He has been bless by all comfortable life. Everything is ready in front of him. But for sure this will not give my son inner peace. I am sure for that!

I worry about how my son is going to face this real world.

I worry about my 2 step brothers (the most)....Food!!

I worry about my health future! (Only my Christ knows!)

This is what I lean how to get a mentally inner peace. "Just shut the mouth will work for me."

To get my spiritually inner peace.....

Sometime we all feel that we are up against a wall, struggling with a decision, situation that make us so down and feel bad. Sometime I just want to run from everyone and be myself then..... I know this won't work either.

2 nights ago, I read my prayer devotional book! It said, "Turning Point, a decision to turn things around."

The book asked these questions...
-What if Noah had told God, "I don't do boats!"
-What if Joseph had not forgiven his brothers and failed to protect them from the life-threatening famine?
-What if Jesus (God in human flash), had refused to die on the cross?

You answera them yourself!!

For me here is my best way to get my inner peace..........

"Surrender becomes victory when we yield to God."

"I will stand my watch and set myself on the rampart, and watch to see what HE will say to me." Habakkuk 2:1

PS: I am so thankful that my family still do pray together on Sunday. For me sure because of that I am still having this family!!!


Anonymous said...

My dear Helen, I have read your essay three times. It is deep probing and expresses your feelings and questions so well. Best of all, you have found the ANSWER to your questions! Thank you for sharing this with me. It has helped me

Anonymous said...

Dear Helen: I have been thinking of you these days what a coincidence. I find this whole analysis very profund.

helen said...

Thank you!