I have nothing to boast beside the blessing of Christ!!
PS: As due to the respect, I did not share the writer and names in this email.
I hope you are ready to travel by now. Well, I honestly don't know where to start my mail. I have been pondering of God's goodness in my life here in Bangkok and you are one of those people I'm blessed with. I have known you for almost six years already. Wow! how time flies can't imagine how those years have gone by.
I'm trying to recall how we met but I don't remember. We'll I'm pretty sure I have written it down in one of my notebooks just don't know which one. Now, you might be wondering where is this leading up to. I want to express my gratitude for having you as a friend and sister in Christ and on how God used you to be a blessing and an encouragement in my personal walk with God. You see I'm an emotional person I can't help shed tears when talking-heart to heart to a person specially to those who are dear to my heart. It was my desire to share what I have in my heart for a long time but just does't have the courage or maybe procrastinating. I hope this is the best time to do so.
In my first few weeks/months in Calvary, I became close to my 2 ate's then but most of the Sunday's specially during the Sunday school I'm alone. I faithfully attended Ladies Bible study and get to know everyone who comes every Sunday as much as I can. it was a choice I made for me to grow in Faith and establish relationship with sister's in Christ from different parts of the world. I've learned a lot during those times and was broken hearted too every time I have to say goodbye to others, one of them is already home in heaven. Most of those I come to know well are much older than me. I think that is one of the reasons why they played a vital role in my life since they are more mature physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I think the first time I heard about you is during the worship when pastor mentioned about you and your physical condition. if not mistaken you wear something on your head then which i find it intriguing well, that is before pastor or you sang a solo. Sorry can't remember really well.
Then, in the afternoons during choir practice. Those were wonderful times with everyone including you. I don't know when or how we started to become close to the point of taking a ride with you going home. You told me of your family, how you have lost your mom and sister, relationships with others specially meeting Robin, your life back then: struggles you've gone through and so on. I am surprise how I know so much about you now, well not in a very specific way but the way I see you at church and at home when we come and visit you. Knowing someone status in life is something thats affect how I treat people. I can't help it at times. Growing up in a small town where everyone knows each other has made a great impact in my life most of it in a negative way. Even my self esteem suffered...hehheh. I have developed the attitude of not getting close to people I know are rich or well-to do in the society not that i don't like them. just can't trust myself that I can keep up with the standard or be influenced by their way of life which i know mum and dad can't give. I don't want to be that high that I will learn to condemned people in a lower estate than I am scared that I will be ridiculed too for where I'm at ( which i did feel many times). In my younger days I only mingled with cousins and friends with the same status or lower because I feel I belong and which I am safe. I usually move away from people that I know are at the top in any areas...too scared to be hurt I guess.
In college, at the seminary which is in Manila, I gained confidence because of the influence of friends and classmates and of course surrounded with Christian people. Well, I was a working student then at school during my 1st and 2nd year. I can say "I survived" by God's grace. I became a part of a singing team all the years I stayed there. I traveled once during the summer after my 1st year down south of the Philippines and that was the farthest place I've visited. It was a wonderful experience to sing for God with the team and God's way of helping/teaching me to be exposed in different culture, language, food, lifestyle and of course enjoy God's wonderful Creation in other parts of Phil. There I met people/families with poor, middle and high class status which are one body in Christ. At times I asked God why don't I have the kind of life where I don't have to work, worry and at times felt ashamed to tell them about my family or what kind of life we have back home. I envy people that has too much in life financially...but then I don't want to exert too much effort to be one of them I just settle for enough (not much but at least better than nothing) attitude. Well, I think I still carry that attitude till now or maybe not....hehheh not sure!!!
Another 2 years in seminary I stayed with a missionary lady who supports by having students by helping her in doing her chores it wasn't a hard work compared to the work I have in the campus at sem. I stay out of the dorm too and at least I can stay in a house which makes it more great. Ms. Ann Young is the lady I stayed with she is from Maine ( a single missionary lady). She taught me a lot about life as much as she can. Small and big things which i didn't appreciate then but as I am getting older I become more thankful of God for letting me know this lady.
Now, let me say something I've learned about you. I know that financially you are able maybe more than what I can imagine. It was a decision I made long time back not to really know how high or low the person I met because I'm pretty sure ti will affect my relationship with them in someway. By the way, It wasn't my intention to get that close to you to be honest but you we're too nice to come and say hi, every time we see each other at church and can't take No as an answer anytime you asked to ride with you. I'm not sure if you felt my hesitant reaction then. You were so persistent about something or I say you are too generous to help if you know you can. I really appreciate that very much. I saw something in you that makes me wonder how God has shaped you into a woman you are now. Listening to your testimonies of how you've gone through difficulties in life: losing your mom, sister, brother and even you still struggling with health. I hope I can understand and really know and see what you have gone through but i'm sure I couldn't handle it too. All I see now is the result of God's goodness, faithfulness, greatness and His being God. Thank you for sharing those moments in your life that helps me to keep my feet on the ground and to know what really matters in life or to value life. I am more humbled by the company you keep at church (us) specially me. You have so much in life more than what we have but that didn't hinder you to be part of us. You kept your feet on the ground by looking back to your humble beginning too and that's something that i salute you for. There are only few people who chose to be down to earth that are in the same position with you, some don't even want to look back where they come from. I might have gone to the same position if I had the privilege to be there too and thank God I'm not. Well' at times I wonder what would my life be if I'm at the top..We'll I might not like it though specially when I don't have God with me.
I thank God for you and your family that you become part of our life here in Bangkok. Keep -up the good work Helen. Thank you for sharing the pain that I have gone through these past days or maybe months and even those good times too. Don't you know that you are the only one who gave me an advise to stand with whatever XX and I decide because you know more of foreign culture than I did. Sad to say XX didn't have the courage to stand for it. I guess you we're more afraid of where I'm at that time than I do. I have felt your deep concern when you asked me about his family not even once but few times I'm sure you want to know that I will be fine and I'm so thankful for that. Thank you too for encouraging advise and for volunteering in helping financially when the time comes that I will get married..hehheh Thank you thank you so much and God bless
I didn't intend to write this long but I guess it helps somehow to get your feelings out sometime. this doesn't happen all the time..hehhe I didn't know why I shared what I wrote but maybe its for a good reason and sorry if much of your time be spent just for reading it.
I hope and Pray that you will have a safe travel with Shawn to Europe and to the States. Have a wonderful time and enjoy God's creation as you reflect who He is in His creation. God bless and see you again when you get back on November. Thanks for the special treat last Sunday it was memorable and is worth to keep.
Love and pray,